Eternal Sunburn of the Selfish Mind

Yesterday I was having some mommy time on the patio at the 'Bucks when Jenny (one of my barista's friends) showed up. She came right over and sat down, which was fine by me. After a while it got too chilly for her (wearing flip flops and a t-shirt), so we moved inside to an empty table next to a woman who was typing on her laptop, wearing earphones and obviously engrossed in her work. As Jenny talked, the woman first rolled her eyes a few times and then sighed testily. This went on for a few minutes, and I was about to offer her a napkin to keep her passive aggression from dripping onto the floor when she took off her earphones and told Jenny to be quieter. Jenny had been relaying a story to me, and she had gone up in volume a bit, as we are all prone to do when we tell exciting stories. It hadn't bothered me -- or anyone else, that I could tell -- but Jenny took the high road by apologizing and starting over in a lower voice.

Why I let that slide the first time, I don't know. I know the opening chords to that song all too well. Even if Jenny's tone didn't go up again, the woman was still going to find an excuse to go off on her... I listened to Jenny and, at the same time, watched and waited for the telltale signs.

I didn't have to wait long.

First the woman's lips pursed. Then her nostrils flared. Then came the ever-narrowing gaze on her monitor, designed to tell the world around her how very, very hard she was trying to concentrate despite the horrendously inconsiderate girl yammering next to her. I smiled at Jenny and kept listening until the woman finally stood up, yanked out her earphones, and announced, "You win."

Playing the ingenue, I smiled broadly and asked her with wide, bright eyes, "Win what?"

She glared at Jenny. "I tried asking you politely to be quiet, and you just couldn't manage to be considerate--" she started. Jenny blinked. I turned completely around to face the woman.

 "She wasn't trying to be inconsiderate," I said as calmly as I could. "She did get quieter. And with all due respect, you are in a public place." She was not to be knocked from her soapbox so easily. "EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT HEARD YOUR STORY JUST NOW," she spat. "You just couldn't manage... ugh!" (I'm guessing at that point she realized she'd already used that line, so she opted for a dramatic trail-off and another disgusted sigh instead.)

Jenny appeared stunned by the browbeating. "Wow," she said quietly, sounding rather ashamed. "I'm sorry." Without taking my eyes off the woman, I quickly corrected her: "Don't be."  I kept a steely gaze and my best anytime-you're-ready smile trained on her until she finished packing up and marched out.

Once she was gone, I turned back to Jenny and explained, "it's one thing if you step on someone's toes and don't apologize. That woman, though, is more like someone who goes to a crowded party with a serious  sunburn and waits to snap at people for bumping her." She nodded and sighed deeply. Just then a woman seated behind us chimed in with a smile, "Just so you know, I didn't hear what you were saying. Seriously, what was that about?"

This morning I found myself second-guessing my actions. Part of me -- a part I love and hate -- was chomping at the bit for the opportunity to square off with the woman and remark coolly, "If you need peace and quiet to work, you might want to consider a different location... because I don't know if anyone told you, but YOU'RE IN A FUCKING STARBUCKS." Though it would have offered a deep [if fleeting] sense of catharsis, it wouldn't have been the best choice. Letting her sucker-punch an unsuspecting nineteen-year-old seemed an even greater injustice, though, so I tried to find the straightest path between the two.          

The place where I'm stuck now is, I'm realizing that I go around with a huge chip on my shoulder about people going around with huge chips on their shoulders.

I think I need a hug.

Comments

[Erin-erin-bo-berin]

Hugs to you, my sweet seester. You have such tact and can manage to think on your feet so quickly, I wonder sometimes if you stood in line TWICE to get the ability to come up with snappy comebacks, while I stood in line twice for fertility... My new nickname for you, my dear: Kelly Jean the Comeback Queen!

I love you.

[kristen]

have you seen elf? where will ferrell tries to hug a porcupine.

does it make you feel better to tell you that I would have been thinking the same thing? only with more letters?

the same mold, my friend, the same mold.