Can't Take Us Anywhere

Just outside Chicago, in a beautifully appointed reception hall overlooking a sparkling waterfront, tables full of guests were abuzz with conversation. Friends, relatives and other well-wishers were going on about how perfect the weather had been for a wedding... and how breathtaking the bride looked... and just then, a brilliantly hued orchid -- one of the many colorful adornments found at the center of the dining tables -- came flying across the room and landed on a table nearby, followed by a spray of Reese's Pieces and a fresh popover from the bread basket. The bride's father, seated at the table now under siege, calmly rose and removed his tuxedo jacket before mercilessly pelting one of the offending parties with grapes from his own centerpiece.

 

It was ON.

It may not surprise you to learn that all the parties involved were, by birth or marriage, members of my family.  It may surprise you to learn that what would become an evening-long food fight began well before the alcohol started flowing. But you see, my family -- as the groom would later remark -- will do things sober that other people only get enough cojones to do when they're drunk. And when we're all in one place, bystanders appear to find my my Irish-Italian family both hilarious and somewhat intimidating... like The Sopranos as a sitcom.

Kate and Del's wedding was a simple and elegant affair, held outside in the company of friends, family, and a chorus of Canadian geese. Kate was an absolute vision in her gown, but a no less priceless sight was the expression on Del's face when his brother began the best man's toast with the words, "Fornication -- er, I mean, for an occasion! -- like this..."

The evening held laughter and tears (the latter often brought on by the former), and moments the photographers couldn't have adequately captured if they tried... like my aunt, my mom, my stepmom, and all their daughters tearing up the dance floor to "We Are Family" -- something my aunt told me she'd been dreaming about. Many other noteworthy (and hilarious) (and incriminating) incidents would take place that enchanted evening, but being so biased towards those involved, I don't know that I'm the best person to tell their stories. For a more accurate account, you'll want to wait a couple weeks for them to come out in the State of Illinois police reports.

Ah, my family. You can't take us anywhere... without it being memorable.

Comments

[justin]

Memorable, indeed.
Photos at http://www.flickr.com/photos/18883956@N00/

[Erin-Go-Braghless]

Being a member of the aforementioned Irish-Italian family, I thoroughly enjoyed that evening (and the NEXT evening as well). I loved having the whole clan (yes, we are a CLAN) out together. Same time, next year? Love you, my seester

[Supposed grown-up]

Okay..so I am supposed to be a grown-up. Mother of the bride for crying out loud. Throwing food at a wedding is not a grown-up thing to do. Oh..screw it. We had a blast. Thanks for putting this to 'paper'. It makes me smile every time I read it.