The Rest is Still Unwritten

So yeah, hey, Sugar Bean might get delivered as soon as... tonight. Just FYI.

My blood pressure readings -- even the ones NOT taken under circumstances like those described in the previous entry -- are trending upward... which is how it usually works when you're approaching delivery, but mine have officially left the "we aren't concerned about it" range. So I'm currently in the middle of a 24-hour test to determine whether I may actually be developing the preeclampsia the hospital was worried about... and at the end of it, I'm having a sonogram to measure my levels of amniotic fluid (since elevated blood pressures can adversely affect those). "If we determine you're showing signs of preeclampsia or she's showing signs of distress," my doctor said flatly, "then it's time to deliver your baby."

It's almost eerie to me, that I should be so at peace with the possibility...

I was pretty stressed about it until a few days ago when a friend gave me some sage advice: "You already know everything about blood pressure and pregnancy that you can. Reading any more of it isn't going to make your blood pressure go down. Go re-read Ecstatic Birth instead." It's not that she was telling me to ignore the possibility of medical complications; she just knew -- as well as any reasonable [non-pregnant] person would -- that dwelling on it would be counterproductive. Another good friend  -- someone who's experienced the whole spectrum of best- and worse-case scenarios in the deliveries of her five children -- had some wise counsel for me today too: "You've done absolutely everything you should and everything you can to ensure the best possible outcome. At this point, it's out of your hands, and  you're just going to have to trust that God's going to work it out for the best." 

Yes, my ideal birth experience would involve going into spontaneous labor, using the kiddie pool I bought as a place to let my labor progress (hint: laboring in water helps keep blood pressures lower) and only going to the hospital once I'm sure I'm past the need for chemical augmentation.  I'm hoping for that sort of experience until I have reason to do otherwise. That said, as I've learned time and time again, what we want is not always what we need. So rather than fixating on the "how" of my delivery -- either on my hope for a better birth experience or my fear of a less-than-ideal one -- I'm keeping my mind focused on the far more important "what": my little girl making a safe transition from the warm embrace of my belly to the warm embrace of Mommy and Daddy's arms.

Prayers are, as always, most welcome. I'll let you know how they get answered.

Comments

[gb]

Yes. Prayers.