An Extra Pair of Hands

When we mommies say we could use an extra pair of hands...

... this isn't what we mean.

These things give me a fierce case of the jibblies. What scares me even more is knowing they're a real product -- the latest must-have item on the mommy-to-be market.

Yes, for only fifty dollars -- each -- you too can own pillows designed to mimic the shape and weight of your hands and leave them on your baby when you put her down. That way, she can relax into her nap, blissfully unaware that you've left her in the care of artificial appendages so you can go pee by yourself for a change, or maybe get on the computer to look at snarky baby tees that say things like "all daddy wanted was a back rub" and "mommy drinks because I cry".

I'd hate to be there when the baby, who innocently assumes she's been resting next to her mommy, rolls over to nurse and discovers no trace of you except what appears to be Mommy's severed hands.

Anyone know if Quentin Tarantino's mom owned anything like this? It would explain a lot...

Comments

[J. Lo]

Dang, mommy's got some big hands. If daddy had really just wanted a back rub, I'm pretty sure that he would have sustained some time of spinal or tissue damage, and there wouldn't have even been a baby, just a medical bill.

[cheryl]

At first I looked at the picture and thought, "huh?". Then in a sudden landslide of memory, all became clear. This product is a marketable thing. Others who have not sailed so far in the seas of motherhood (or at all) may scoff, and I would have once too. I think the $50 per hand might be a bit steep though. Maybe a bit of a DIY projectis in order. Personally I would find them more appealing if they were green and furry like Oscar The Grouch hands. Guess people know what to get you for your baby shower now. Hahahahahaha.

[mrs. n]

Marketable?
You bet.

More likely to get noticed on Etsy than another line of knit or crocheted baby hats?
No doubt.

A good thing to buy me for the baby shower?
Only if you want a thank-you card that reads, "I appreciate your generous gift. Knowing me as well as you do, I'm sure it won't surprise you to learn I returned them for cash so I could buy a lot of other things I'll actually use."