How NOT to Cook Catfish
Saturday, May 24, 2008 at 11:21PM Q: What's the worst way to cook catfish?
A: According to the directions, apparently.
Not generally being a fan of catfish but having discovered it to be cheaper than chicken or beef this week, I bought a couple pounds and thought I'd try my hand at cooking it (baking it, to be more specific, because I'm not a fan of deep-frying). I went online to look for recipes.
Before you start laughing at me for trusting recipes I find on the internet -- I'm talking to you, Loveland -- you should know my modus operandi:
I typically find five or six recipes that all call for similar main ingredients and cook times, select the one that looks the most [interesting] [time-efficient] [inexpensive] and then read the reviews to see whether there are widespread kudos or grumblings about any particular aspect of them. It hadn't failed me yet -- I've found tons of fun new recipes this way -- so I figured there would be similar safety in the multitude of counselors when it came to baking catfish.
The seasonings I chose were fragrant, and spicy without overwhelming each other or the fish. I cut some of the garlic salt since many of the reviews had called the original version much too salty. Could have left out quite a bit more, but it was far from terrible. No, the mixture of oils, spices and herbs that went on the catfish wasn't bad at all, if I do say so myself. And it all sounded so easy -- lay the fish in a nonstick pan, brush liberally with the spice mixture, and bake at a very high temperature for ten to thirteen minutes. I gave mine nearly twenty, just to be on the safe side. Pregnancy, after all, is no time to fool around with undercooked meat.
I selected a piece from the pan and hoped it wouldn't be unduly dry from the extended cooking time. I gingerly sank my teeth into it. The seasonings were glorious. The fish, on the other hand, could have [and probably would have] bit me back if its mouth had still been there.
If you've never had the unique privilege of biting into a piece of medium-rare freshwater fish, please trust me when I tell you there is absolutely no privilege in it whatsoever.
Was it that the fillets, in their single layer arrangement, were somehow still too crowded in the pan? Was it perhaps that the catfish pieces used by the author of the recipe were only twice as thick as the skin that remained on the back of the fillets? For whatever reason, it took baking my catfish fillets for more than an hour before they took on the telltale characteristics of fully cooked fish. Sadly, after all that, the thrill was gone... and Mister Nygren, although he was quick to thank me for all the effort and time I'd invested, wasn't a fan.
In case catfish goes on sale again, I've decided to write down the recipe -- a revised version, though, that can help me better utilize my ingredients and time. In lieu of the original cooking instructions, I think I'll use the following:
1)Arrange fish in a single layer on a nonstick pan.
2)Brush liberally with spice mixture.
3)Bake for ten to thirteen minutes.
4)Repeat previous step EIGHT F***ING TIMES.
Reader Comments (6)
love you momma nye for being braver than me.
Much love to you, Mister H and the feline fam. :)
I use the same MO, and I have some not quite as drastic disasters from All Recipes. You feel about 2 inches tall when you realize that gothgirl34 and fartknocker3 are able to make a 5 star recipe with only a few steps, yet your (insert incredbly simple, yet somehow unmakeable dish here) taste like burnt hairballs.
Trust me, I won't laugh at this one, my three year old with a food allergy and an unedible dinner are no laughing matter, even for John the Blunderworker!
I am positive that the problem resides in the dish that you used or the fillet thickness. Did the original cook use skin on fillets? 11 minutes is really not enough time for anything thicker than Barack Obama's religious convictions to cook.
Mad Props to you for giving it the old college try. I've had plenty of "evenutually it has to cook" disasters, and mine usually come out black on the outside and red or white on the inside. (There's gotta be a punchline hiding in that dish)
PS Did this dish have anything to do with the stomach woes?
Another delightful surprise: a couple mornings later, the catfish -- which I'd opted put in the fridge rather than discard, feeling certain I could create a meal in which its unique texture and flavor could be utilized-- was absolutely delicious eaten cold. Maybe I'm on to something. Maybe it won't appeal to me so much when I'm not pregnant anymore. Either way, I didn't have to throw out two pounds of meat, and that made my inner reduce-reuse-recycler [and my tummy] very, very happy.
PS -- even if the late great Julia Child came to me in a dream on its behalf, I don't think I'd ever try to duplicate a recipe contributed by someone named fartknocker3...